"Open your mouth, let's see!" I would exclaim to my family before pretending to examine them when I was a child. I have been interested in health care since I was quite young. I love meeting, conversing with, and examining patients, and then figuring out their needs and diagnosis. Moreover, creating a treatment plan for a particular patient and then caring for him or her fills me with satisfaction.
Being a caring and creative person who also loved to draw, I was consequently drawn to dentistry. Pursuing a profession with many facets meant a lot to me.
In order to achieve my goals, I studied dentistry at King Abdul-Aziz University in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia; I graduated in 2007 after earning my Bachelor of Dental Science degree. During my undergraduate college work and before starting my college's clinical work, I volunteered my spare time as an observer in a dental office near my house. Through that experience, I learned many remarkable facts about the dental profession.
In one instance, I vividly recall a patient who was provided with a fixed prosthodontic bridge for his missing anterior teeth and how pleased he was after treatment. The patient appeared much younger after his missing anterior teeth were replaced. The patient's comment following this procedure was, "Now I can smile and talk more without being ashamed of my appearance."
After that experience, I realized that dentistry, prosthodontic dentistry in particular, is an art combining cosmetics, medicine, and architecture that has the capacity to improve both appearances and lives. I strongly feel that there is no greater pleasure in life than that of alleviating suffering. As a dentist, I will strive to alleviate my patients' distress and give them back their smiles.
During my internship period at university, I have received substantial training in prosthetic dentistry and done laboratory work in some cases as well. In addition, I have worked with distinguished professors who are authorities in this field. I carried out a small research project on the efficacy of home bleaching systems, which was ultimately published in the Saudi Dental Journal. Moreover, I wrote many bibliographies on different prosthetic topics.
I am ideally prepared to enroll in your post-graduate program because I am an enormously hardworking person with high esteem who is devoted to her career.
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Dear Valued Customer,
You have an excellent start on a very strong essay here, and I enjoyed reading and editing your piece. Below is a critique in which I will explain some of my changes and provide constructive suggestions regarding how you can continue improving the essay on your own.
To begin, I would like to compliment you on the individuality and clarity of the essay you have crafted. These are two of the strongest aspects of your piece; they reflect the time, thought, and effort you have obviously put into the essay already. I see many essays that are built around clichés and generalizations, and your essay is a refreshing collection of original thoughts, personal experiences, and a convincing explanation of your motivation to enroll in this program.
While thoroughly proofreading your essay, I noticed a few instances in which you made a mistake with a phrase or grammatical/writing issue. I would like to go through a couple of those with you now (P1 denotes paragraph one, P2 paragraph 2 and so on).
Here, your wording is a bit contradictory. Saying that you have "always" been interested in health care implies that there has never been a point at which you were not interested in that field. You then amend that statement by clarifying that your interest has existed "since the time of [your] childhood." To clarify your meaning here, I eliminated "always" and smoothed out the remaining language. The reader will understand that your interest has existed since your childhood, and that it has led you to a career in this field.
In this instance, it is not necessary to capitalize the word "dentistry." Although it is the name of a specific profession, it is not a proper noun and thus does not need to be capitalized.
By correcting these issues and others like them, I have refined your prose and boosted the professionalism of your piece.
There are several ways in which I think you can make this essay even stronger. I would now like to provide some suggestions that will help you do just that.
When editing your essay, I used the "Track Changes" option offered by Microsoft Word. If you would like to view all the changes I made, you can use the Track Changes feature. Once in Microsoft Word, Click "Tools," then "Track Changes," then "Highlight Changes," then check "Highlight Changes On Screen."
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